Your money doesn't buy loyalty. Your Respect does.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what actually gets people to care.
Whether it’s a team, a friendship, or a business the question is the same:
How do you make someone truly commit to a shared goal?

The truth is:
You can’t force people to care. Not with a paycheck. Not with pressure. You have to earn it.

Real alignment happens when someone respects your drive and you respect theirs.
That’s when you get service money can’t buy.

A small example: there’s this burger spot near me called Cheeseslap.
I’ve been going there for a while, and since day one, I’ve shown the crew genuine interest.
Asked about their families. Complimented their grind. Showed respect. No ego.

And now?
My food is always fresh. Extra sauce.
Sometimes they surprise me with a discount.

But that’s not the point.
I’d still go even if they didn’t do all that because I respect their hustle.
And clearly, they respect mine.

We’re not best friends. But there’s a two-way understanding there. And that’s rare.

It got me thinking:
How do you build that kind of mutual respect at scale?
How do you get people to commit to a mission not because they’re paid to, but because they want to?

I don’t have a perfect answer. But here’s what I know:

No policy, bonus, or corporate vision statement can compete with genuine interest and shared respect.
That’s the real currency.

What does respect look like in action when you're leading a team?

To me, it starts with emotional competence.

Creating space for two-way communication not just open-door policies that no one uses. Your team should feel safe saying what they need to say, and as a leader, you need to be emotionally equipped to listen without reacting.

Once you’ve heard them out, your job is to analyze the input. Ask yourself:
Are we moving closer to our goal or away from it? Is this feedback an early warning? Can I adjust the team back on course, or is there a deeper crisis to address?

Respect also means seeing people as individuals, not just a workforce.
That doesn’t mean letting accountability slip. It means understanding that personal issues happen and not punishing people for being human.

At the same time, respect should run both ways. The team should have the self-drive to deliver their best within their capacity. It’s mutual.

A time I failed to earn someone’s respect and what I learned

I grew up not being listened to.
So I made it my mission to make people feel heard in my presence.
But sometimes that can backfire.

I once partnered up with a colleague for a business venture. I gave them space to express ideas, space to work the way they wanted. Instead of mutual respect, they took advantage. Walked all over the work. Then jumped ship.

What I learned?
Listening doesn’t guarantee respect.
It’s not just about giving someone freedom it’s also about providing guardrails so they don’t fall off the ladder.

Habits I use to show people I respect them

• Remember names. It catches people off guard in a good way. Makes them feel seen.

• Show up on time. Especially if someone is older or more experienced. With younger folks, it shows you take your word seriously.

• Give credit publicly but not excessively. A shoutout can go a long way, but if it’s constant, it loses its weight.
  Sometimes a one-on-one message hits harder than a public callout.
  Respect how they receive respect.

Appreciation vs. Manipulation

This one’s subtle.
The line between appreciation and manipulation lies in intention.

Are you showing love just to reinforce the good in them? Or are you secretly hoping to get something in return?

If you’re appreciating someone with an ulterior motive expecting “gifts” or extra effort that’s a setup for resentment.
Appreciation should never be bait. It should just be real.

How this shows up in my own work

Whether it's Aflak Media or freelance, I don’t work with people I don’t respect.
Period.

Before I collaborate, I need to know the person is solid morally, creatively, and spiritually. If I don’t feel that, no amount of talent or potential is worth the tension.

I see everyone I work with as a reflection of myself.
“You are the average of the people you surround yourself with” isn’t just a quote it’s a standard.

Can respect be taught?

Only by example.

You can’t force it into someone’s brain with a lecture. Either they pick it up by how you move or they don’t.
You show it. You model it. If they’re ready, they catch it.

Sometimes they won’t. That’s okay. You did your part.
And if you’re ever lost on how to show it, read stories of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. His life was a masterclass in respect for the powerful and the powerless.

What if someone doesn’t respect you but they’re good at what they do?

This one’s tricky. First, ask: How good are they really?
Then ask: Does their contribution make or break the mission?

If the answer to both is “yes,” then maybe you keep them but with boundaries.
If not, you drop them. Simple.

You can be the most talented person in the room, but if you’re not a decent human being, it just doesn’t matter. I’d rather build slow with solid people than fast with poison in the system.

So yeah.
Respect is the currency.
It’s not about being liked. It’s about being trusted.
It’s about being real enough for people to want to go the extra mile with you, not for you.

And if you’re lucky, they might throw in a little extra sauce.